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Welcome to my blog. I document my adventures in parenting, style, and creative. Hope you have a nice stay!

Talking to Kids about Porn

Talking to Kids about Porn

Yep, you heard me. The big scary word that rhymes with corn. I said it.

Are your kids in school? Do they use a tablet or your phone? Come on now, be honest…I can’t be the first mom thats handed her kid the Ipad at 6:30am in the morning just so I could get an extra 30min of sleep. I know it’s a scary thought but the world is just not the same place it used to be. Getting ahold of pornography used to be a challenge. It’s no surprise that the issue at hand is trying to block porno. You could type in just about anything seemingly innocent into google and some pornographic link is likely to come up somewhere.

Please understand, I am not trying to pump you full of fear and anxiety.  I know the very thought of our kids coming into contact with this stuff makes my stomach tighten. Heck! I’m basically the first person to say SCREW IT! We’re moving to Alaska kids and you’re all being homeschooled! But even then there’s a chance. My first encounter with pornography was at the age of 7 and we had just moved to a remote little town, in a little house on a mountain. The last owners of the house had cable and it hadn’t cut off quite yet and one night while flipping through the channels THERE IT WAS. So remote or not, homeschooled or not, this is still for you.  We MUST talk about it. We cannot afford to stick our heads in the sand. I don’t know about you guys but I want my kids first encounter with pornography to be through me. Ya, that doesn’t sound right.

What I mean is, I want to be the first person they learn about it from. Not some 7th grader on the school yard or accidental google search gone wrong. I want my kids to be full of knowledge, because knowledge is power. Guys, I’ve already had the birds and the bees talk with my Fourth grader. He was actually 7 (in grade 3) when I first talked to him about it. Sounds early doesn’t it? Well, our good friends’ son ended up “learning” about it from a friend and their other son encountered a frozen porongraphic magazine on the ground on his walk home from school. Crazy right? Or is it? These friends of mine are the most amazing parents, it wasn’t anything they did wrong, but they encouraged  us to be more proactive in talking to our own kids before they reach 7 or 8 because that’s when it happened for their boys.

That’s just it. I want to bust the communication door WIDE open with my kids. If they hear it from me first they will more likely talk to me if something happens or they have questions about it. Because I do not want my child’s sexual education to be left to their peers or some fake sexual fantasy on the computer. Sex shouldn’t inspire shame. In my opinion, I think sex is supposed to a beautiful act of love, created by God for two people who have commited their lives to each other. I am not afraid to tell my kids about it. When we purposely ignore something or give weird names for body parts we attach stigma and shame to it. The first time my parents heard my daughter say vulva, you should have seen their eyes bug out, LOL. But I don’t want her to call it something else, because there is NOTHING wrong with her or that part of her. Similarly, our boys know that pee comes out of their penis—not their “willie doodle,” their penis. They don’t know everything there is to know about their private parts, but they know that they have normal names, like hands, feet, and ears, and that there’s nothing wrong with them. We name things we know. We name things we aren’t afraid of. And we should be comfortable in our own bodies and know our own bodies. It’s a lot easier to talk to your child about what is appropriate and what is inappropriate if you can actually name the body parts in question without being weird!

OK, sorry, I’m getting side tracked! Maybe I should do a post on body knowledge/shame…Clearly this is something I feel very passionate about.

Whether you are talking to your kids about sex, porn, or internet safety, I am not the expert on the exact time/age you should do that. But I do think, if your child has access to the internet or have a child who is in school, it’s time to start a dialogue.

On the topic of porn ;P

How do we even talk to our kids about it? I’ve had small discussions with my kids about internet safety and why I don’t allow them to be on YouTube alone. Just simple talk like, “The internet is not a safe place, we have to be careful about what we watch. If something you don’t understand or makes you feel uncomfortable comes up, please let me know immediately. You won’t be in trouble, etc.…” This was fine for a while, but I was wanting to have a better way to actually explain what I was talking about. Jon and I discovered these books called: Good Pictures Bad Pictures & Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr. We immediately bought both and let me tell you, they thought of everything and it has been such a helpful resource! Thank God other people are thinking about this!

Here is a message from the back of the Jr book we bought: “‘How old should my child be when I begin warning them about pornography?’ The right age is when your child has access to the internet. The good news is that even preschoolers can learn a simple definition of bad pictures, and can use the Turn, Run and Tell plan to keep themselves safe!”

My job as a parent isn’t to run away from these challenges or shelter my kids and pretend they don’t exist. My job is to prepare my kids for the world we live in. Give them life tools that will empower them and give them confidence. I believe we can do it in a safe, loving way. Who’s with me? (I should mention that I do not think the world we live in is ideal and I think that we need to make some very serious systemic changes. I think that it is unacceptable how easy it is to accidently access pornography. With all the incredible things we can do with the internet, I know that there is a better way. However, in the same way I teach my child how to safely cross the street, I will teach them how to safely use the internet.)

If you, like me, want some helpful resources, I have linked the books here so that you can have something to help guide you while you sit down with your kids! This is in no way sponsored, just a parent who found these helpful for giving me the words and confidence to talk to my kids about an otherwise foreboding task.

Good Pictures Bad Pictures

Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr


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