Transformation | Better Together Sling Diaries, Vol. VI
Becoming a mother of two boys has taught me a lot about transformation. Besides my two boys transforming from pink, wrinkly, old man babies into loud, running, cheeky “I can do everything myself” little men, Noah transforms into Bumblebee on the regular. I also know a lot about toys which transform, but shouldn't—like Ninja Turtles. Show me the person who decided a transforming Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle would be a good toy and let me give them an ear full! I spent the better part of a 24 hour road trip transforming (aka fixing) those friggin’ little tortoise samurais. So you can see how I’m turning out to be quite the expert, with so many years and hours of “transformation” experience.
These changes, however, I did anticipate. The moment my doctor told me I was having a boy for the first time, I knew my world would become spit up clothes and diapers, transport trucks and diggers, baby bottles and super heroes. But there was something I didn’t expect; I didn’t anticipate how much motherhood would change me, how I would transform.
The moment I saw my son, the process began, whether I was ready for it or not.
It seriously goes something like this:
You literally birth a child from your uterus/birth canal/abdomen, and it hits you like, BAM! Mama Bear is also born. Tears, laughter, peace, caos. With great trembling and passion, a ferocity like you have never known before rises up within your being. This baby is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh. I will protect and nurture this baby with every fibre of my being. I will die for this baby. Hear me ROAR! Don’t you dare touch my baby, that is my baby! 😜
But seriously, I was in for it.
I thought I had grace, I thought I had patience, but boy do they test you. I remember nights when Noah still wasn’t sleeping through the night and I was giving the dozens of “baby help” books deathly cut-eye through tear filled eyes, all while feeling like a total failure. I didn’t feel like I had what it takes. I was just a tired out, crusty mom and wife.
I was striving to be the perfect mother, to be the perfect wife. But I was losing the truth. When we try to change our actions or our bodies by striving, we will always fail, because true transformation starts in the mind/heart. So I began the path which is harder, but gives lasting results.
No, I’m not perfect. But Noah and Leif don’t need a perfect mother. They need an honest mother who is at peace with herself.
I threw away the books, and I listened to my gut. I spoke life over myself. I am good. I am loved. My identity is not to be a mother or wife or artist, it is to simply be. All of those titles are things that I can do, things that I may even be designed to do, but they don’t make me who I am. They are things that I choose to do every day.
I found that as my heart changed, so did my mind, and then everything else in its turn. My walls came down and it became easier to love, easier to be more gracious and less judgmental. It was easier to extend grace to the mother that hasn’t been able to breastfeed her child, or whose kids are screaming like ring wraiths in aisle 10. Instead of judging her or putting my expectations on her, I found myself loving her, because we all have different situations and I don’t know what it’s like to live life in her shoes. The more forgiving I am to myself, the more forgiving I am to others.
Every day I am transforming, and motherhood has just accelerated the process. I don’t have time to waste on bad attitudes and negative thoughts. I have a limited amount of time with my family and the world around me to show joy and love. I’m still a work in progress but the journey is what keeps us relatable 😂
Transformation begins with you. It begins with your heart. Do you love you? Do you believe that you are enough?
Let the journey continue.